Ahad, 3 November 2013


Hi pepols. It's been a hella long time I didn't post anything here. Well, my life just get busier you know. I've said before that maybe if I had a laptop, I could probably update my life more often. But, I dont have*cry*. Let's just wait for next year okay? Ha ha. So, long story short. I'm 17 for 7 months now ha ha ha. It's 4/11 and on 6.11.2013 I WILL BE HAVING ONE OF THE BIGGEST EXAMINATION IN MY LIFE ( 17 years I live lol) :O just kidding. It's just SPM. I mean, I know it's important. But it only determine where you will pursue you study, what carrier you gonna have. But I think it all depends on you. It's not about life and death anyway. Don't get me wrong. I never say that it's okay not to pass examinations, yeah it's okay, only when you already tried your best and study. Not because yolo. Lol. YOLO pun yolo lah tapi exam penting juga bro. I really don't know how to explain but I just hope people who read this understand ha ha. 


Enough about examination. I wanna talk about school. I hate school. School has becoming meaner and meaner every single day. I hate that I have to go through all the shit everyday. All the people. But then I know that i'm strong, because I managed to get out alive. And i'm glad there's still some good day out of the weeks and months. 5 years I stayed at smsp, the last 3 years was the worst *sigh. I don't really wanna talk about it. Past is past. But I just afraid that I can't forgive some people though.. No matter how much I tried to be positive about all things i'm afraid I just can't. They literally bring down & smeared my name so bad that I think until I die, I will never forget and forgive them. I am really sorry. I just pray that someday you will feel what I feel, and god will open my heart to forgive you people. If you were in my position, I think you would have already cut yourself. You don't know a shit that I have to go through at school and at home. Feel like you're alone. Isolated. Bullied. Not loved. Not cared. But guess what? I surpassed all that. Because the time I stop giving much care, I came to a realization that you don't own my life. It is you who have problem, not me. You yourself must came to your own realization. You hating, humiliate other people. Wow, i'm sure that you & your life is so damn fucking good & perfect. 

Well kudos. I'm happy for you. Continue with what you do you will pass life easily. Lol

So, love life. I haven't in a relationship for a good 2 years now. Last relationship I have is when I was in form 3 (2011). It was actually good, isn't it? It gives me time to think and time to give time to myself. Just me. And proves that I break up with my ex not because i've found someone else (bcus that's what his accusation to me) but simply because the feeling wasn't there anymore. It's good to be honest than lying, right? He sure thanked me for that. Because my rule is simple, if you don't have a feeling for me anymore or if you've found someone else that's better than me, you better tell me. Because I valued honesty. I don't want to be in a relationship where you have nothing left. Where my boyfriend texts and meet other girl secretly. Where my boyfriend love other girl and not me. I don't wanna be cheated on. I don't wanna found out from other people. And I don't wanna waste my time with someone that already found time with other girl when actually the time that I wasted can be use to find other boy or just me being alone healing myself. 
But timing must also be right though. The way you tell it all & how things started etc. But sometimes it just happens without any reasons, you know. That simply mean that he/she wasn't your soulmate. And you gotta accept that. But, if you believe that you guys still have something left, go for it. Because you don't want to feel regret later.

I post this status on wechat. Lol ha ha. And I feel like posting it here. This is 100% from me. Because there's someone asked me whether this is from me or from google lol -.- This is basically what's in my heart during writing this & I think people who read this sure know how I feel. The person that I meant here, is someone who recently I can stay steal my heart HA HA HA. I'm just trying to be honest. Because I think it's time for me to put down my ego a little bit. But I don't think he's gonna read this because he don't have a wechat at the moment. Which is good though. This is what I wrote:

"I hope you understand. I don't want to put my feeling in an uncertain situation/position. I don't want to go overboard. When the truth is you and I are not even -. I hope you understand, why I becoming like this -distancing myself away, and change from what I used to be. In term of everything. I may look like the bad person here. But I just want to protect my heart. If I didn't care about all this I can just continue on with what i've been doing. But that would be much more hurtful. Cus then all things that we done or we say there won't be a single heart attached on it. Won't give me any difference when you around or not. Would you prefer that? I don't think so. I'm the type of person when I already put my heart to someone I just want him. Focus on him. Everythings about him. That's why I don't let you cross that boundary. That's why I don't let my guard down -which I think I already did, but I brought it up back. 

Lets just give time about all this. Think thoroughly. So in the end when we both don't 'click', we can move on with our life easier with someone else. You probably don't know this, but it's really hard for me not becoming what I wanna be or used to be. You thought you're the only whos hurt. No.
I think it's fair that hurt is feel on both side. That's make our feeling legit, ain't it?

Whatever happens in the end, I wont regret knowing you. I cherished every sweet/good memories that I had with someone. It helps me to move on with my life regardless of what happen. I will be smiling alone like crazy whenever I reminisced back all sweet/fun/good memories and I thank every people, every single person who give me that. And will always thank god for that ;)"


Okay. He is someone who I can say, uhm different. I rarely give out my feeling though. Even with my exes before. But I don't know, with him.... But I must say that he's nobody to me & i'm nobody to him we're basically just friend. On sms. Same school. We text a lot & about many things. It's just that this few months that we have gotten closer. He texted me since last year but only like several times and about small things. I really really really don't know where this feeling came from. But i'm pretty sure it's just temporary though. That's why I need time. We both need time to think what this is. Feelings can change from time to time and that is what i'm afraid of, this uncertainty. But boy, I do placed you some place in my heart because I wanna keep it as part of my memory ;) Like every other people who make good and fun memories with me. Thank you ya Allah.

OMG. He did this like every night like midnight pffttt so factual oh boy

psst ! thanx sebab baca :)♥

Isnin, 22 April 2013

Kristen Stewart or Lily Collins?

No hate

Ok so yesterday I tweet about Lily Collins -i say that I kinda...dislike herrr lol (sorry but I don't hate her just the feeling of 'dislike'!). Lol I may be sound jealous but no, i'm not. See it's rare for me to dislike someone even if the person is a b*tch. Yes, I know no one ever believe it but yeah... Just some b*tch though. Kay, about L.C, the first time I watched her is in Abduction and then in Priest. I can see that she's reaallyy really really controlling her talking and all (especially her mouth/lips!) and can't even act (i think she suits theater). I thought "Ok maybe she's new into acting maybe after this movie or second or third she'll be good" but lmao no. You can still see 'that' in Priest. And I watched the trailer of Mirror Mirror and yeppp, still the same. I actually don't care if she do that or not but if she do that might as well don't act/become an actress :/ Cuz I understand that everyone wants to look pretty and I am no exception myself but don't do that IN a movie because it will spoiled the movieeee. It's no real. But I hope her the best and hope she will become a good actress one day.

"my face look cute like this"

-Other actresses too do control their faces and stuff but it can be accepted! It was natural-control but she is just.... I don't know.

real acting 

I tweet about Kristen Stewart too saying that I prefer her more over L.C (because many people debate over them & giving their opinion why & why so I thought why I don't give mine? lol). The reason is because, K.Stew is much more good compared to L.C and also because she's real? Lol. Her haters say that she's emotionless, don't know how to act, etc. But from what I see she is actually good. The Runaways, Panic Room, and many more....? She's gooddd. She doesn't really care how she look like (opposite with me xD) and into the whatever character she play. I think the 'emotionless' emotion she shows is probably because of her eyes? I don't know but maybe, tehee. Because she has a unique sorrow eyes or whatever it is called that kind of mysterious and attractive in its own way. By the way in Twilight, Bella is supposed to be mysterious lonely quiet kind of girl and the 'no emotion' face she has make her suits the role (to me). She know how to act, she has 'the face', she fits the description, what more can I say.. But this is my thoughts my opinions though and i'm just sharing with you guys. Everyone have different opinion and taste so I can't force people to accept mine and vice versa.

"damn gurl she's better she just need the right thang" -my cutie pie daesung 

-I love K.stew and yeah she maybe not yet a good actress but I hope one day she will. I think she already is! Tehee. She only need a suitable role..

So the conclusion is, I prefer K.Stew over L.C. I'm not hating L.C but for the moment I don't quite like her :/ (I know I knowww). But maybe one day i'm becoming one of her fan? ;) Who knows.. Just hoping the best for them both and one day could meet them, byeee

*picture credited to google

psst ! thanx sebab baca :)♥

"You know what? Yes, I have changed. I'm not as nice as I used to be., because I don't want to get used or walked over, I don't trust everyone and tell them my secrets, because behind every fake smile is a backstabbing b*tch. I distance myself from people because in the end, they're only going to leave. I have changed because I have realized i'm the only person I can depend on."

suits my mood right now.

psst ! thanx sebab baca :)♥

(: Hak Milik Nurul Farhana :)